Kids of Faith Online Magazine

It started with the tree, shortly followed by the eggnog. They were mysteriously disappearing. Well, I guess not so mysteriously, since my mom had told me what to expect this year.

Since Dad had been laid off, she said that we wouldn’t be going up into the mountains to cut down our own Christmas tree, like we had every year since I was three and since my sister Cassie was born. At least, not this year. She said that we wouldn’t be buying eggnog, and if we wanted a hot drink, we could use the cocoa packets left over from the time we went camping last August.

The packets were stale, and the marshmallows had gone hard.

Pretty soon after that, Mom said that since Dad was out job hunting pretty much all the time, we might not have time to get the Christmas lights up on our roof before the ice made it impossible.

Christmas spirit was going down the tubes, fast. All of the things that made Christmas special were gone. Even the horrible reindeer sweater that Mom wears every year the day we watch Elf. That perished in the first garage sale (though I can’t imagine why anyone would want to buy it).

When Mom told us that, over dinner, Cassie said it was okay because true Christmas spirit comes from inside you, but I rolled my eyes and said that sounded like something off of a really bad Christmas movie. Ugh. Mom shot me a glance from across the table and said, “Marcus, Christmas is going to be great this year. It’s just going to be different.”

I rolled my eyes again.

-

“No, thanks.” Liz said. “Not this year.”

“What?” Lindsey tossed her backpack on the ground. “You come caroling every year! You’re the only one who stays on key! You can’t just not go!”

Liz rubbed a piece of lint off her socks and glanced away. She didn’t want to explain this right now. “Not this year.”

“What’s going on with you?” Lindsey said. “You used to love caroling and going sledding when it snows and wrapping presents. This year, all of the sudden, you’re like anti-Christmas or something. What’s that all about?”

Liz sighed. No one really understood. The truth was this was her first Christmas without Dad. Last year had been amazing. He’d known that the cancer was winning the fight and had done everything to make sure that it was one that she would remember. Even when he was sick and so weak he could barely stand up, he’d go out and have snowball fights with her, and take her Christmas present shopping two weeks before Christmas. He always shook her present for him first, and tried to get her to tell him what she was giving him. His strong tenor voice had inspired her to sing with the caroling group. But this year… it was a lot harder just to get out of bed, let alone go and do all the things that just made memories of Dad more painful. “It’s okay, Lin. I just can’t do the Christmas thing this year. Too many memories attached. Not this year.”

-

I was going to sabotage Christmas. It wasn’t as if I could make it any worse, so I’d try to make it better. Seriously. Christmas without eggnog? Christmas without a Christmas tree? This was going to be the worst Christmas ever!

My sneaky plan was set. Until Mom broke the star.

Let me back up a little. I set out the box of Christmas ornaments right in front of the garage door so that when Mom got home from work, it would be the first thing she saw. Sure enough, the garage door opened, Mom stepped inside and tripped on the box. Fell flat on her face. The sickening sound of breaking glass filled the air. Ouch. Cassie came running out of her bedroom, pulled the earbuds out of her ears and said, “Marcus! What did you do?”

Seriously! Why is it always me they think of first? I fixed her with a glare and said something profound. “Duh! Nothing!” Okay, maybe not too profound, but it worked.

Mom sat up groggily and rubbed the back of her head. “Whoa. What are the ornaments doing here in the middle of the floor?” Then she and Cassie both gave me a look, while I looked innocent. “Marcus.” Mom said. “You’re not bugging about this being the worst Christmas ever, are you?”

“No! I just saw the ornaments out and thought that we had to decorate something.” Ah-hah! My brilliant trap was laid! Now she’d have to get me a Christmas tree!

“I think Marcus is right.” Cassie said. Yes! Now I even had Cassie on my side! Or so I thought. “Yeah!” she said. “It would be cool to decorate, even if we can’t afford a tree this year.”

“Oh yeah, smarty pants?” I said, my enthusiasm deflating. “We don’t have”-

Cassie cut me off. “Yeah! We’ll just decorate the palm tree in the entry way!”

So we decorated the palm tree. Cassie reminded me that Jesus was born in the desert, so it was probably more fitting anyway. As we hung the ornaments, I almost got over this being an even worse Christmas than I had thought. Until we got to the star.

“It’s broken!” I screamed.

Cassie pulled it out of the box. “Must have broken when Mom fell on it.”

“Yeah!” I said, feeling a guilt trip coming on. “All of Cassie’s and my Christmas memories – poof! – down the tubes! There they go! Ka-blam! This is going to be the worse Christmas”-

Cassie and Mom gave me a look. I shut my mouth. Whatever. It would still be the worst Christmas ever.

-

At school, I was sitting at my bench, moping. Not only had the palm tree been a complete and utter failure (our tropical palm can’t hold up ornaments… or the hubcap star I stuck on top of it. It was awful. Dirt was everywhere. Mom vacuumed all night. Awful.) but I was late for lunch, and there were no seats open except at the table nearest the janitor’s closet, where it always smelled like toilet paper and Pine-Sol.

One other person was there, a girl who sat behind me in class. I think her name was Liz.

“Hey,” I said, plunking down across the table.

She nodded absent-mindedly.

“How ‘bout the snow?” I said.

“Mm-hmm.” She said.

She was obviously paying no attention to me. “Hello?”

She blinked. “Oh, sorry. I was lost in thought. It happens to me a lot this time of year.”

I frowned. She was a Christmas-lover. So was I. But she probably got to have Christmas. Therefore I hated her. I was just about to tell her this very thing, when she went on.

“Christmas is my favorite time of year. My dad and I used to do all the fun Christmas stuff together. It reminds me of him.” She smiled, but it was a sad smile.

“Oh.” I said. Oh, nice job, Marcus. I couldn’t think of anything better to say.

“Sorry.” Liz said. “How about you? Do you do anything fun for Christmas?”

And that let out the rant I’d been holding in for the entire month of December. I told her about the powdered cocoa, the palm tree with the hubcap star, and about how awesome Christmas used to be.

“It used to be so cool! We used to do all kinds of stuff as a family. We had all these traditions. It was fun! Now that Dad doesn’t have a job, we don’t get to spend any time as a family.”

When I looked up, Liz was crying. “Christmas was when we used to do all of our family stuff too. But… my dad had cancer, and now,” She stopped, but I knew what she wanted to say next.

“Wow.” I said. Suddenly all of my problems didn’t seem so big. “I guess that makes it hard to celebrate. It probably makes you want to not do Christmas. At least, not this year.”

“I used to be that way.” Liz said, wiping her eyes. “But I think Christmas is a time to remember love, right? I mean, God so loved the world. He made himself one of us, and that’s a big sacrifice. He came to be born so he could die for our sins. And my dad loved Jesus, and that’s what he loved about Christmas, so I guess, in a way, I love Christmas even more now than last year. It makes me reflect on Jesus in a whole new way.”

“Yeah.” I said. “Me, too.”

-

So, Christmas morning came. We stashed all of our presents under the palm tree and on Christmas morning, Cassie and I woke up even earlier than usual, because we were that excited.

We all opened our presents. When it was my turn, I realized I didn’t have any presents from Mom and Dad. I was a little disappointed, but I handled it with grace.

Mom looked at me anxiously. “I want you to remember something, Marcus.” She said. “With the layoff”-

“It’s okay, Mom. I know I haven’t exactly been the model Christmas spirit guy this year, and I’ve made it hard on you and Dad. I’m sorry for that. And I understand that it’s been tough buying gifts. I understand.”

Dad looked relieved. “Oh good. Well, Mom and I still managed to get you something you’ve been begging for all month” –

Cassie ran into the room with a present. “Open it!”

I tore the paper off.

It was a whole gallon of eggnog.