Kids of Faith Online Magazine

“Daddy, isn’t it pretty?” I asked, looking up into his eyes, smiling.

“Yes, I know it costs a lot of money, Bob, but…” My smile faded away as I saw his cell phone in hand.

“Daddy,” I waved my hands, trying to get his attention.

“Look, Bob, I’ll call you back. I’m on hike with my daughter.” He hung up the phone and looked down at me. “What is it, Sabrina?”

“Don’t you think it’s pretty?”

“What’s pretty?”

“All the butterflies,” I said surprised he didn’t notice.

He looked up into the sky at all different colored wings floating about.

“Oh yes, they’re very pretty.”

“Which one is your favorite?”

“I don’t know.”

“Mine is the purple one. You know why?” I asked very excited.

“Why?” He wasn’t quite as excited.

“Because my favorite color is purple.” I stopped. “You must have a favorite.”

“Oh yeah, I like that yellow one there. Look, are you ready to go?”

“I like the yellow one too.”

“Sabrina, are you ready to go?”

“But, Daddy, we’ve only been here fifteen minutes.”

“I need to get to the office.”

“But you were just at the office.” I said, very disappointed.

“I know, but Bob needs me to go back so we can finish up a project.”

“Like an art project? I’m really good at art. I could help.”

“No, it’s not art project, silly. But it’s very important. I need you to be a big girl and straighten up.”

“Okay, Daddy. I’ll do anything for you,” I said.

I meant every word of what I had said that day. I meant that I loved the purple butterfly, and that my favorite color was purple, and that I liked art, and that I would do anything for my daddy. I meant everything except for that I liked the yellow butterfly but I would say anything that would make my daddy happy.

6 years later

I walked up the stairs to show Daddy my dress. I loved the dress, probably because it was purple and sparkled in the light. And I just knew Daddy would love it.

“Daddy…” He cut me of short with a quick but firm hand gesture.

“Yes, I do want that policy put in place. I don’t care what Johnson says. Okay. I’ll talk to you later.” He put down that evil contraption that I was sure I would hate till the day I died.

“What is it, Sabrina? I’m very busy.” He said in a rather annoyed tone.

“I just wanted you to see my dress.” I twirled around in the beloved outfit.

“It’s very pretty. What are you going to wear it to?”

“The father-daughter ball you promised you’d take me to.”

“When is that?”

“This Friday. You didn’t forget did you?”

“Umm…Well…”

“You did,” I was the one that sounded annoyed now.

“I made an appointment on accident.”

“Then cancel it.”

“Honey, it’s very important, and…”

“I know. There’ll be other Friday nights with me, there’ll be other dances with you, and there’ll be more times once this is over, just be patient and wait, Sabrina. Well, you know, Dad, I’ve been around for thirteen years and I’ve never had one of those Friday nights, or dances, or times with you. And I want to know when this wonderful time will be when I’m able to say ‘that’s my daddy and he loves me’, because right now I can’t say that!”

“Now wait a second. I love you and…”

“And it’ll be okay. You know, I used to believe that but I can’t anymore. I can’t believe that it’ll be ok because I’m through!” I ran out of the room and slammed the door behind me.

Daddy came rushing out of the room and looked at me.

“What do you mean you’re through?” he asked, dumbfounded

“I mean I’m done with you and your stupid promises! And I’m done with this thing that you tried to tell me was a family! And I’m done with dreaming about what it would be like to have a real family that cared about each other, and loved each other!”

“Now, sweetheart…”

“Dad, it’s over.”

I went back down stairs and started packing all my clothes. When my suitcase looked like it was going to burst, I was satisfied. I picked it up and walked back up the stairs. My dad wasn’t there but I could hear the low murmur of my parents’ voices from another room. I opened the front door and walked through it. I felt the cold rain on my cheeks as I started walking down the road.

Thirty minutes had past and I couldn’t see our house any longer. The rain poured down harder and harder and my beautiful dress was now soaked. But that stinging cold rain was nothing compared to the tears that were running down my cheeks. As I was walking I didn’t think about anything but that day on our hike. My mind flashed back to those moments. I heard that little voice in my head and I saw exactly what I had seen that day.

I saw the beautiful butterflies in the sky and I saw my daddy with his cell phone. That stupid cell phone; one of the things that had ruined our entire lives. Then I saw the purple butterfly in that beautiful blue sky. I looked down at my now ruined dress and that about that beautiful color of purple. Then I saw that ugly yellow butterfly that my daddy said he liked. I thought about my daddy all those times he had said ‘some other time’ and how I knew whenever I thought of him I’d think of that day he broke my heart for the first time. That butterfly was a symbol of our relationship. A lie. It was a symbol of what I thought of him –  an ugly yellow butterfly that didn’t care. Suddenly I saw a flash of lights and a horn honk at me. And the last thing I remember was a screeching sound of breaks and a pain that I can not even describe.

“What were you thinking? No, I can tell you what you were thinking – you weren’t thinking.”

My father’s long speech about how stupid it was for me to run away from home did nothing to cool the anger in me. My leg was in a cast, my neck was in terrible pain, and everything hurt. And yet he was ranting and raving and didn’t even care.

“We treat you well. We care about you…”

“That’s it,” I screamed. “Your care that has to be the joke of the century. You treat me well! You call breaking my heart every day, hurting me to point of where physical pain is almost a relief, you call that treating me well?! I hate you and I don’t want you here! I want you out of my life forever! I don’t want to ever have to feel the pain and the hurt of having to know that my dad doesn’t love me anymore! Leave!”

My Dad walked out of the room, and as he did I was praying he had walked out of my life.

I don’t know exactly what happened but this what my dad told me about that night.

He came home laid down he coat and walked into the living room. He turned on the T.V. and started watching. But suddenly it turned off. He looked around for his phone but it was gone too. He went to find the phonebook but it was gone. And when he tried the computer wouldn’t turn on. And then he heard something.

“Tony.”

“Who is it?”

“My name’s Ginny. I’m here to show you something.”

“Why are all the electronics gone?”

“Because I wanted to show you that when all the electronics, and schedules, and magazines, and newspapers go away, they take your life with them.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’ve lived your whole life through these things that won’t last, but you need to change and invest in something that does last, and that is daughter. She loves you but you’re losing her in all this stuff you don’t need. I’m here because God sent me to tell you that you need to change.”

“Why should I? I have it made. I have all the money I will ever need. If I cut down on my hours, I’ll lose money.”

“But you’ll gain a life. Actually two lives.”

“Wait…two?”

“You have to do this fast, Tony. Please ask God to forgive and to help you change. You have to do it quickly though, we don’t have much time.”

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

My dad got down on his knees and prayed a prayer, a prayer that no one could ever imagine my dad praying.

“Now what don’t we have much time for?”

“Sabrina. She just got released from the hospital.”

“What is she going to do?”

“I can’t tell you. All I can say is go to the bridge; you’ll find the answer there.”

My dad ran out the door through the streets, down alleys, going and going trying to find me. He finally got to the bridge. I was there and admit I was thinking really hard about jumping. It seemed easy, the right way out of this nightmare. I would never have to see my father again if died. I’d never have to feel this hurt.

“Sabrina!”

That moment he called my name I turned around, but my crutches slipped on the icy bridge, and I fell. My dad came plunging into the water after me. We finally made it back to shore. I lay there, not seeing much of anything. But I heard a voice and it said:

“Sabrina, I’m sorry. I hurt you and hurt you. But I want to change. I want to become someone that doesn’t hurt other people.”

“Daddy,” I said just above a whisper. “It’s just like the butterflies. They have to change from a caterpillar, to a cocoon, and then they get their wings. I guess even a little ugly yellow butterfly can really be something beautiful, if you just think about how big a miracle it really is.”